Wednesday, August 14, 2013

From the One Ringing Bell Top Twenty: The Case of the Vanishing Tulip Bulbs


Continuing with my top twenty posts from One Ringing Bell, this one was near the top of the list of almost 400 entries. At the time it was posted, we'd been dealing with several difficult challenges, one of which was my husband's cancer diagnosis. Just had to find a little humor in the midst of all the pain. Our dog Lucy was happy to accommodate.

The Crime

Tulip bulbs, full of the promise of spring, were cruelly stripped from this sad flowerpot.


After analyzing crime scene information, and who had access to the flowerpot, a group of four suspects has been apprehended.

Suspects

The Innocent Looking Cat


The Shifty Eyed Squirrel
(the Shifty Eyed Squirrel was so shifty we couldn't get a mug shot, so a stuffed facsimile is standing in)


The Web Footed Brown Dog Digging Machine


The Love of My Life


The Case

The Love of My Life has been quickly eliminated as a suspect because I’ve never known anyone who hates shovels …and dirt as much as he does. Also, I’m not sure he’d know a tulip bulb from a turnip. Besides, under the circumstances, even if the sweet thing had dug them up, he’d get a quick pardon from me.

The Innocent Looking Cat has shown a predisposition for digging in the past, but only when necessary and very selectively. The call of nature has never taken her into my flowerpots.

The Shifty Eyed Squirrel has a prior conviction for tulip stealing, and he rose quickly to the top of the suspect list. The Shifty Eyed Squirrel tried to make a statement, but it was difficult to understand him, as his jaws were engorged with sunflower seeds. Turns out that’s his alibi. He was hanging from the pear tree by one toe while his hand was in the squirrel proof birdfeeder at the time of the tulip theft. Also, after further examination of the evidence, it has been determined that it’d take the Shifty Eyed Squirrel and about ten of his colleagues to move this much dirt.

That only leaves one suspect: The Web Footed Brown Dog Digging Machine.

Convicting evidence was found when forensic tests determined that material taken from between the teeth of the Web Footed Brown Dog Digging Machine was indeed tulip bulb. Also, traces of flowerpot dirt were found around her toes. An open and shut case.

The Sentence

Oh, yeah, the sentence. Well, right now, she’s lying in the den on a big comfy fleece blanket. But we only gave her one toy to play with, and she’s definitely not going to get more than two bowls of food tonight. And we might make her sit in the back seat when she rides in the car. And…

I think the picture is clear. This is the first spring with the Web Footed Brown Dog Digging Machine, and it looks like it’s going to be tulip-less in the back yard. Probably going to peony-less, iris-less, daffodil-less, and pretty much anything that blooms-less.

Puppies or flowers? Puppies or flowers? Somehow, puppies always win out.

The next case on the docket is "The Mystery of the Wet Toilet Seat." I dread collecting all the evidence on this one, but things are not looking good for the Extra Thirsty Web Footed Brown Dog Digging Machine.

Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine...

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