Friday, March 18, 2011

Rising Faith

One of the hardest challenges I’ve had lately is just keeping my mouth closed about my sweet Jerry’s cancer treatment options. I don’t want to confuse the matter or speak extraneous words, which are just my opinion and not God’s thoughts.

We’ve waited to hear from God. And waited. Yet, we reached a time when we really needed to make a decision and still didn’t feel we had a knowing in our hearts about which direction to take. Oh, how we’ve prayed.

A couple of days ago, I was quietly reading in the afternoon and looked up for a moment. At the time, I wasn’t thinking about his situation, but I heard these words in my spirit. “It’s not about Jerry.”

Not about Jerry? How can it not be about Jerry?

“It’s about what I want to do.”

Somehow, I’d lost sight of the fact that God had allowed this to happen.

But, I didn’t know how I would say these words to the man I love. This man who’s hurting. So I prayed more.

The next morning I heard the door on our temporary island sanctuary slam before sunrise and saw that Jerry was not beside me.

Later in the morning, he returned and said. “We need to talk.”

I share this with his permission.

Over breakfast, he explained that he went to the beach just to be with God as the sun rose. There as he meditated on the greatness of God and his handiwork in creation, he realized he was in danger of trusting medical technology rather than trusting God. Not that he wouldn’t avail himself of medical technology, he just wouldn’t idolize it.

“God is big,” he said. “It’s not about me having to get this all right. God has promised to be with me no matter what I choose. This is about Him, not me, and I believe I know, now, which treatment to pursue.”

It was only then I was able to share the words spoken to my spirit the day before.

At last, both of us have come to a place of peace and rest.

We look forward to the amazing thing God will do even through the interloper of cancer.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

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