I wonder if I’m the lone soul on the planet who deals with
this.
I’ll sit down to write or pray, but won’t even go to the thing that’s really weighing heavy on my mind.
When I began my blog post this week, I stalled. Nada.
“What’s wrong with me?” I thought. Now, I understand folks
having writer’s block. But that’s not something I experience very often. I lean
in the other direction―too many ideas.
It took several hours to realize what was happening.
You see, I’m trying to make a decision concerning a writing
endeavor. I guess I wanted to believe it wasn’t bothering me much, but evidently
it is, because I was stymied until I faced what I really need to write about. Robert Frost’s two roads are definitely diverging into a yellow wood .
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| Photo courtesy Wiki commons, Zadac |
Except it’s more
like three roads. And being one traveler, I’m in a quagmire as to which way to
go.
There are benefits as well as disadvantages to each option. I’ve
researched, pondered, and made lists. But I still don’t know. This is a
significant (for me) writing endeavor, and I want to make the right decision.
I need wisdom.
For sure.
“If any of you lacks
wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault,
and it will be given to you” (James 1:5).
Don’t you just love that God doesn’t find
fault with us for being confused, and promises to give us what we need.
But it’s the next line that gets me. “But
when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is
like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.”
After I ask, worry or fear sometimes vexes
me. “What if I miss God?”
And there are consequences to letting doubt
invade. “That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.
Such a person is
double-minded and unstable in all they do.”
Yikes. Tell us what you really think,
James.
It’s tough living in that place of not knowing.
We all want our loose ends tied up, even if it means rushing into things
sometimes. We want to feel that sense of relief in having the decision behind
us, but God calls us to patient trust.
People have written whole books on
guidance. I’ve read some of them, but really, it all comes down to praying and
listening.
I’m trying to hold steady and have faith that
I’ll know when I need to know.
So here it is, my post about being
confused. I feel better now as if the word dam has broken.
And interestingly, when I let about
twenty-four hours pass and reread what I’d written here, some things became
much clearer for me. So thanks, for listening.
Maybe you have roads diverging, too,
friend. Isn’t it good to know that God’s already waiting down the path we need
to take?